Between your family obligations, your work as a health care professional and the current context, it’s easy to forget about your relationship as a couple. Wondering how to revive it? Valentine’s Day 2021 is approaching. What would you say to take advantage of this opportunity to start over on a good footing?
We met Dr. S. Matt Lacoste, Psychologist at the Dr. Bita Clinic. He will explain the causes of distancing in couples and give you advice on how to revive your couple and keep it on track. Do not hesitate to share this article with your spouse.
1. What explains the distancing in relationships?
According to Dr. Matt Lacoste, distancing in couples may happen for many reasons.
“The first cause pointed out by the couples we receive in therapy is lack of communication. This can affect both young and older couples. Indeed, the partners may stop communicating because they are too busy with their respective careers or with raising children”.
Do you identify yourself in this ? Rest assured, you’re not alone. You can also read our article to help you better balance work and family.
According to Dr. Matt Lacoste, every person’s life evolves and changes. You have to both accept this and communicate about these changes in order to stay connected and in line. Days are often too short that couples don’t have time for each other. The time together diminishes or even disappears.
The attention you pay to your partner diminishes because you tend to think that the couple is established, safe and that nothing can happen.
“By investing time and energy in professional and daily activities, partners can also sometimes let go of their sexuality, which can lead to distancing or even break-up. Similarly, needs and desires may change over the years and differences may appear between the two partners. Even after several years of living together, it is not always easy to discuss one’s sexuality, even within the couple.
Here is Dr. Matt Lacoste‘s advice on how to revive your couple and keep it on track.
1. Bring back communication within the couple
Dr. Lacoste‘s first piece of advice is to communicate.
“It is by talking to each other that we share our feelings, our fears, our frustrations, our desires.”
If you used to keep everything to yourself, now is the time to learn how to share with your spouse. Your couple will benefit from this.
2. Always spend some time together
Treat yourself regularly (and not only on Valentine’s Day) to a romantic dinner or a romantic getaway away from home and everyday life. These moments can also give you the opportunity to express your sexual life in a more romantic or liberated way.
“Building, developing and nurturing a couple’s sexual life is an important part of being a couple and maintaining its quality. In the same way, sexual life evolves with the couple and with age. Partners must be able to freely exchange, share their desires, fantasies in order to avoid frustrations and temptations to go elsewhere. Thus, together, they will be able to live a satisfying and fulfilling sexual life that nourishes the couple and their love.”
3. Being in tune and harmony
Faithfulness appears to be an essential element for the stability of the couple and its duration over time for most couples and in most cultures. But for our specialist, in terms of sexual life, there are no standards. The most important thing is to be in tune, in harmony, so that you and your partner blossom without cultivating frustration or too great sacrifices.
4. Have full trust in the other
Having full trust in the partner strengthens the couple. Being able to discuss all subjects transparently and tell the truth helps to develop this trust, which will make you feel good, strong and have a feeling of security that will avoid jealousy.
“We are often stronger together than alone.”
5. Have common values and goals
Having common values and goals is also a way to feel close, complicit and complementary.
“By this means, the partners will be able to build (or rebuild) a dynamic of life together, to set up strategies, ambitions, and to have leisure activities to share. This necessarily implies both communicating and exchanging, but also preserving moments of life together where this emotional complicity will become concrete by being displayed as behavioral complicity”.
Why not, for example, start a training program together?
6. Remembering why you chose the other
According to Dr. Lacoste, love is still the most important thing. Keeping in mind why you chose this person, why you fell in love and what seduced you in her, will help fight against (or correct) moments of doubt that sometimes occur in the life of a couple.
“Keeping these in mind may not always be enough. It is also helpful to share them with the other, and also to practice them. It is necessary to know how to express one’s love in daily life and not only on special occasions. And in order to succeed, to let the other perceive this love, learn how to do it. That is to say, to know what the partner’s expectations and needs are. This (again) requires communication within the couple. Knowing how to express oneself, knowing how to make oneself understood by the other, but also knowing how to listen to and understand one’s partner are essential elements to keep the flame alive and/or to revive it”.
Demonstrating one’s feelings can be done through dialogue and communication.
“Knowing how to compliment and not to spare positive feedback values not only your partner but also the couple, because we become a support, a source of satisfaction that reinforces the self-esteem of our partner, the connection between the two people and therefore, improves the couple itself.”
The secret of couples that last and love each other
Finally, according to Dr. Lacoste, communication is the “secret” of couples that last and still love each other. Knowing, talking and listening to each other is an essential key in the life of a couple.
But as we mentioned earlier, this is not an end in itself. Communicating with the other without restraint and without taboo is most often the means to act in adequacy and harmony with one’s own needs and desires as well as with the needs and desires of the other, be it in one’s daily life, in one’s social life and of course in one’s intimate life.
Love feelings are often complex and depend on many elements common to most of us, but also specific to each person, to each couple.
No matter how important your work as a healthcare professional is to you, you must not lose sight of your couple, as Dr. Lacoste mentioned several times.
Now you know what you have to do to rekindle and maintain your relationship! If you think you need support, don’t hesitate to contact the Dr. Bita Clinic.